CGPB: The Epic Fails of Pretty Boy, Adrien Agreste
by Otoshigo
Summary: Sequel-ish: Drabbles set in the Miraculous: Tales of Clumsy Girl and Pretty Boy Universe. In which Adrien is determined and tries his hardest... to talk to the girl he's already dating.
1. Making Babies

**AN:** This 'story' will likely be just a series of drabbles in the Miraculous: Tales of Clumsy Girl and Pretty Boy universe. It's meant to take place after that story ends. Think of it as straight up Adrien-torture. _(Mwahahaha~)_ If you get easily embarrassed empathetically, this is not for you.

~o~

 **Making Babies**

"Why isn't this working?!"

Adrien fell face first into bed, letting loose a scream of frustration into his pillow. Plagg hovered nearby, snacking away on a wheel of camembert as he regarded his chosen. "I have to say, kid, I've _never_ had a Chat Noir quite like you," he chuckled as he munched away. "I've had Black Cats keep their identities secret from their significant others before and I've seen cats that use their secret identities to pick up a lot of girls, but I've _never_ seen one completely helpless to even talk to the girl they're currently dating!"

"I'm so _happy_ that you find so much entertainment in my constant failure," Adrien growled, peeking an eye out to glare at the little kwami.

"I do!" Plagg replied cheerfully. "Keep it up! I haven't had this much fun in _ages!"_

"Just eat your cheese!" the model huffed at him. He crossed his arms, unwillingly replaying his latest disaster in his mind. His face heated with mortification and groaned into his pillow again. "Why is this so _hard?"_

"I don't understand why you're even bothering," his lazy kwami retorted. "Do you _need_ to talk to her to Adrien?"

"Of _course_ I need to talk to her," Adrien replied tartly. "I want to take her on picnics in the parc, to hold her hand along the Seine, to kiss her on top of the Tour Eiffel..." He let out a dreamy sigh, just imagining all the things he would do when the fated 'One Day' came.

"All of which you can do as Chat Noir."

"There's only so many things you can do in a suit, Plagg," the blond replied archly.

The little kwami contemplated this. "Mmm, true. It would be hard to make kittens-"

"Oh my _God! SHUT UP!"_ Adrien yowled, throwing a pillow at the cat god. Not that he was _wrong,_ but- "We're not even close to that stage yet!"

However, now that he came to think of it, he _did_ want kids at some point. And Mari seemed like she'd be a fantastic mother - a thought that made him nearly steam with how hot his blush was. They would make the most awesome, kick-ass superhero parents _ever._

Assuming that he could ever talk to her as Adrien that is.

That reminder sent a sudden chill of dread through him. Right, he still had to talk to her. Which he _would_ eventually. He had no doubt about that. ...But what if he couldn't get his act together in time? What if they got so old, they couldn't have kids!

Adrien went white. Oh no. His future family was at stake!

The next morning, the model was absolutely determined to rectify the situation. Marching into the classroom with his hands fisted at his sides, he sought out Marinette who was back of the class chatting with Rose and Juleka. Everyone paused to watch him, as if sensing that he was _finally_ going to confess his feelings to their class president.

"Marinette," he called, his voice full and clear. Several students gasped.

The girl in question turned around, her bluebell eyes wide and curious. She seemed to sense that something was up to, as she spoke, "Yes, Adrien?" Not Pretty Boy. His actual name.

Adrien stood an arm's length apart from her. "Marinette," he said again, taking her hand in his. The other students leaned in, craning to hear what happened next.

"Y-yes?" Marinette replied, now thoroughly perplexed.

"Marinette."

" _Um..."_ the girl frowned, now wondering if this was going anywhere. So did a few others.

Unfortunately, Adrien's thoughts were stuck on a loop and he was desperately trying to unstick them. What was he doing? He was doing something. He had something to tell her. What was it?! It was so important, but he was sucked into her bluebell eyes and for some reason all coherent thought had just flown out the window.

Oh wait!

"You should have babies!" he cried emphatically, his green eyes bright and earnest.

A deafening silence resounded throughout the class.

Marinette stared. "...What? Like, _right now?"_ she asked incredulously, while Alya and Nino (that traitor!) began to crack up in their seats.

"Wh-what?" Adrien stammered, paling when he realized what he'd just said. "N-no! Of course not! That's not-! I wasn't trying to suggest anything like that! Y-you're completely your own woman- I mean person! Nobody can tell you what to do with your own body! I am completely for women's rights! Go women!"

By now the other students went back to what they were doing before Adrien entered the classroom. Except Alya who was still howling on the ground laughing. Meanwhile, Adrien floundered, trying desperately to do whatever he could not to make himself sound like a complete crazy person.

"I-it's just that you would have super cute babies! Lots and lots of them!" he babbled, only growing more red and flustered by the second. "L-like mini-versions of yourself, all big-cheeked and chubby! N-n-not that you're chubby! You're like the complete opposite of chubby! In fact, I have no idea how you stay so small living in a bakery! You've got to have the metabolism of a hyena or something! M-most people would blow up like a rubber dingy!"

"Um... thanks?" Marinette said uncertainly, her brow knit in concern as though she had some serious doubts about the blond's sanity. Then as she usually did when their conversations went off the deep-end like this, she politely excused herself. "So... I have to go do... um," she gestured uselessly at the air, "something. Talk to you later, Pretty Boy."

With that, she turned her back and stiffly made her way out of the classroom, looking like she was trying very hard not to break into a run.

" _OH MY GAWD!"_ Alya shrieked unhelpfully once her friend was out the door, still holding her sides in laughter. "A-Adrien, that was your best one _yet!"_

Absolutely mortified, Adrien trudged over to his seat as though he were walking to the gallows. He let his head fall on top of his desk none too carefully. Maybe if he hit it hard enough, he could wipe out that entire episode from his mind forever.

"Hey, don't give yourself a concussion, dude," Nino said, trying (and failing) to stifle his snickers. He gave the model a consoling pat on the back. "Don't worry. You'll get there eventually."

Adrien only let out a miserable groan in reply.

 _I wonder how Mari feels about artificial insemination._


	2. Hello CrazyBug

**Hello CrazyBug**

Today was the day! He was going to talk to Marinette like a normal person. That was his goal. Sweeping her off her feet was a little too much to hope for, but he could at least just say 'good morning Marinette' without tripping all over himself.

"Good morning, Marinette. Good _morning,_ Marinette. Good morning, _Marinette,"_ he chanted to himself outside the classroom. If he said it enough times, it would probably turn into muscle memory. Hopefully. " _Good_ morning, Marinette."

"Adrien, something wrong?" a voice called behind him, making him jump. Adrien spun around and found Marinette and Alya staring at him.

"G-g-g-good morning, Nettemari!" he stammered, his face flushing. That wasn't fair! He was startled! Caught off guard!

"Good morning, Pretty Boy," Marinette replied cheerfully, sidestepping around him to head into class. Alya cast him an exasperated look, before she sighed and shook her head. She followed her bestie into class.

 _Whhhhyyyy?_ Adrien cursed, letting his head thump against the doorframe.

Ivan's large frame came up beside him. He gave Adrien a sympathetic look and a commiserating pat on the shoulder before he entered the class. The blond couldn't help a weak smile. Well, it was nice that someone else around here understood what he was going through.

Of course, Ivan had the advantage of his Clumsy Girl coming to the rescue.

Adrien paused. Wait a minute. _Waaait_ a minute. He _never_ had problems talking to Ladybug. Not even once. Not even that one time that he met her as Adrien ages ago. ...Granted, he didn't actually _talk_ to her at the time, but he was sure that he wouldn't have stumbled! She was his Clumsy Girl, his Klutz, his CrazyBug! Someone whom he'd regarded as a sister for nearly a year! Surely he could tap into that (in the least pseudo-semi-incestuous way possible) and talk to her like a normal person!

Right. All he had to do was to get Marinette to meet him as Ladybug. Maybe that would finally break this stupid curse!

However, later on when he proposed this idea to Ladybug as the pair of them went on patrol that night, he hit a _tiny_ snag in this plan.

" _...Why?"_ his Clumsy Girl asked, giving Chat Noir a frown.

"Uhhm..." the black cat replied, at a complete loss. He had been assuming that his girlfriend with her good heart and generally sweet demeanor, would simply just go with the idea. "W-well, he's a fan of yours and wants to meet you," he replied smoothly. "Aren't you two classmates? I'm sure that it would make his day."

Ladybug narrowed her eyes. "I thought you didn't _like_ Adrien," she said suspiciously.

"What? Me? I never said that!" Chat cried in outrage.

A pause.

"...Okay, I might have implied it once or twice," he relented, taking a sudden interest in his claws.

"Chat Noir, I caught you throwing darts at his face once, calling him the most spineless, good-for-nothing imbecile on the face of the planet," the superheroine reminded him tartly.

It had been one of his weaker moments. Ladybug did _not_ approve (which was awfully sweet of her).

"W-well, that was incredibly offensive of me and I regret it," the black cat replied with a helpless shrug. "I feel terrible and I need to make it up to him. So, the best thing I can think of is to have his _favorite superhero~"_ he winked and nudged his girlfriend with an elbow, "go and pay him a visit."

However, it seemed like his Klutz was in some kind of mood, because she simply glared at him. "I'm not here to fix your guilty feelings, Chat Noir. If you feel _that_ bad about it, then you can go and figure out how to make amends to him yourself!"

 _Damn it!_

When straight up asking Ladybug didn't work, Adrien moved onto Plan B. Put himself in harm's way so that Ladybug would have no choice but to rescue him.

The first attempts he completely flubbed. It had become second-nature to go barreling in to save the day. Even when he did remember not to transform into Chat Noir right away, the selfless impulse was so strong that he usually caved before anyone got hurt.

Finally, a relatively harmless akuma came by. Well, sort of.

" _How dare you take my precious cats from me!"_ Crazy Cat Lady howled as she roamed through the streets, transforming law enforcement, media, and innocent bystanders alike into cats. Cats that were then sucked into a tractor beam to be added into her living coat of writhing felines.

Yeah, it really was as gross as it sounded.

Adrien hid behind one of the cars on the street, trying his best to stay out of sight until Ladybug made an appearance. She was supposed to be at Alya's today, which meant she was coming from the southwest. Aha!

A flash of red whizzed overhead. Ladybug dropped into the middle of the street, swinging her yo-yo like a nunchuck as she stared her opponent down. Her face was set with the fire and determination that he so adored.

"Ladybug!" Adrien cried happily, popping out of his hiding spot.

Ladybug whirled around, eyes wide as she looked for the source of the voice. "Cha-?"

That was when the beam hit her. In a puff of magic, her yo-yo clattered to the ground and a little red calico cat with a black spot over its eye stood in Ladybug's place. It looked around, moewing and bristling in confusion.

Adrien's jaw dropped.

...Well _shit._

Ladycat let out a loud _MREOW_ as she was suddenly caught up into Crazy Cat Lady's tractor beam, about to be sucked into the living coat of cats. With no time to think, Adrien dashed out from his hiding spot and yanked her out of the pull of the beam. It wasn't powerful enough to take a full human body, so he managed to whisk Ladycat and her yo-yo away to safety.

Getting as far away as he could as plain old Adrien, he dashed down a lonely alleyway to catch his breath. "Ladybug! I'm so sorry!" he told the little cat as he let her down from his arms. "Ah-um, you know what. Just stay put, okay? I'll go find Chat Noir!" he declared as the little cat pawed sadly at the yo-yo. With that, he ran off to find the closest place out of sight to transform.

Loathe as he was to leave her, he'd completely screwed them both over with his half-baked plan. Right now, Chat Noir was going to have to pull his weight for the both of them.

Somehow, someway, Chat Noir and Ladybug managed to get through it (like they always did). Apparently, he was immune to being transformed into a cat. Who knew? Maybe it would be useful information one day if they ever ran into an akuma that transformed people into insects.

That night found Adrien where he often was, lamenting and frustrated in his room. _Never again,_ the blond thought as he lay back in bed, staring up at his ceiling. The plan was pretty flimsy to start with, but given what _could_ have passed, he couldn't afford to let it happen again. He could have lost his Clumsy Girl, his Marinette, in one fell swoop. It wasn't worth it. He'd just have to find some other way to get around his problem.

That was when he heard the knock at his window.

Adrien's eyes snapped up and he had the shock of his life when he saw Ladybug hanging onto the outside of his building. She smiled wide and waved, then pointed to the window latch.

The model nearly tripped over his feet in his haste to get the window. " _Hi,"_ he said breathlessly, a smile stretching over his features as Ladybug dropped into his room.

"Hey there, Pretty Boy," she beamed as she folded her arms behind her back. "I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd drop by. I hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all!" Adrien replied quickly. "Please, stop by whenever you feel like!"

Holy crap. Not a single stutter. It was _working!_

"Haha, I'm glad," Ladybug smiled, looking at him in warmth and fondness. "A little birdie told me that I happened to be your favorite superhero. Is that true?"

"Ah, yeah. I hope that's okay," the model replied, grinning goofily as his cheeks lit up in a faint blush.

"Of course, it is. I don't mind." The superheroine seemed to consider something for a long moment, before her lips tugged into into a mischievous smirk. Then she caught Adrien's chin and planted a chaste kiss to his cheek, causing his face to explode into a blush. "Thanks for saving me," she whispered softly into his ear, in a way that made him shiver and his mind blank. "Don't tell my boyfriend about this, okay? It's our little secret."

"N-n-no, I would never-" Adrien stammered, before he stopped. Then he tried again. "I wouldn't- How would I even- Chat Noir wouldn't- I mean- I p-promise!"

The blond faltered again, an icy feeling of dread going through him.

No. What. NO.

 _THIS WASN'T HAPPENING._

Ladybug giggled, her bluebell eyes shining with mirth. "Well, you try to keep yourself out of trouble, okay Pretty Boy?" she winked. With a wave, she slipped out of the open window and back towards her home.

Adrien stood frozen, an overwhelming feeling of horror turning his face as white as snow. He fell to his knees, hands fisting in his hair as he howled to the ceiling, "No. No, no, _nononono!_ _NOOOOO!"_


	3. Cell Phone Spirits

**Cell Phone Spirits**

Adrien stared at his phone sitting on top of his desk. Fraught with nerves, his leg bounced as he tried to pluck up the nerve to pick it up.

He never thought that such a small gadget of metal, plastic, and circuitry could be so intimidating.

Of course, he'd never tried to text Marinette before.

When he figured that conventional talking simply wasn't going to hack it, he decided that he would try giving the digital variety a shot. So he called up Alya and then asked for her best friend's number.

She did, but not without giving him the oh-so helpful advice, "Okay, but I'm telling Marinette I gave it to you. Try not to come off as some kind of creepy stalker, okay?"

Alya was 75% to blame for waiting three full days before even attempting to talk to Marinette. 20% was just getting over his nerves.

...And 5% was because he suspected that the cell phone gods might hate him. He couldn't count how many times his phone had been subject to luck of the black cat variety, whether it be smashed, crunched, dropped, stolen, even bitten once. Sure, he could just leave his phone when he went out as Chat Noir and take care of 75% of the incidents, but there usually wasn't a place to stash it. So it was left in his pants' pocket. Even now, it had a nasty crack over its black face. Silly as it might seem, if there was ever a piece of technology that would hate him most and screw him over, it would be the little smartphone glaring up at him in stoic fury. Probably thirsting for vengeance for all its fallen brothers.

It was stupid. It was superstitious. But he was also the incarnation of bad luck itself.

 _I'm so sorry for dropping you all those times!_ the blond prayed to the cell phone spirit, as he finally picked it up and sent his first message:

 _ **Hi.**_

Adrien waited.

And waited.

He checked his watch and saw that only 30 seconds went by.

He began to sweat.

At about minute ten of no response, the paranoia began to set in.

At minute twenty, Plagg had to stop him from jumping out the window as Chat to see if she even got the message.

After a half hour of sheer agony, Marinette finally texted back.

 _Hi! What's up?_

Adrien gaped at the message as if it were a thing of beauty. "Plagg, she answered! She answered!" he cried, bouncing around happily around his room.

" _Whoopee,"_ Plagg replied sarcastically from his spot in front of the TV nestled in his small mountain of camembert. "So are you actually going to do about it?"

"Oh right," the model replied, turning his attention to the actual content of the message. _What's up?_ What _was_ up? He couldn't very well say that he was currently having a major freakout that he was talking to her. But he wasn't doing anything else either. _What's up?_ What was he doing? He didn't know what he was doing. "Plagg, I don't know what I'm doing!" he cried, holding the phone away from him as if it were a bomb.

The kwami put a hand over his face. "Human Child, you are so painful sometimes," he muttered, mostly to himself. "Give that thing to me. I'll talk to her for you."

"Wha- No! That completely defeats the purpose of this!" Adrien cried, cradling the cell protectively against his chest. " _I'm_ the one who needs to talk to her."

"Well then just do it!" Plagg scoffed.

That seemed to knock some sense back into the blond. "You're right. No, you're right," he took a breath and closed his eyes. "I can do this. I can absolutely do this. I just to take it in baby steps. I- I'll just pretend I'm talking to Nino, or something."

Right, Nino. He could talk to Nino like a not-crazy person. Perhaps even like someone _sane._

Mentally switching gears, he went to his phone again and messaged back:

 _ **A little bored.**_

Yeah, that sounded like something someone cool and not at all awkward would actually say. Then he added:

 _ **What are you doing?**_

That was normal right? Normal and totally not creepy. Hopefully. He was assured when Marinette texted back as if they were carrying on a conversation.

 _Just doing homework.  
Mendeliev gave us a real  
torture session this time._

Grinning and feeling more confident, Adrien texted back:

 _ **I don't mind helping out with that.  
I'm pretty good at physics.**_

 _Well, EVERYONE knows that. ;P  
But yeah, that would awesome!_

Adrien sucked in a sharp breath. Did he actually just- He did! This was his disastrous physics tutoring plan revived! And a winky face! She sent him a winky face! It was more than he had hoped for.

 _ **Okay, so what do  
you need help with?**_

 _I was having some  
problems with 2A._

 _I can't get this  
formula to work._

Pulling out his own finished homework, Adrien looked it over. Then he smiled.

 _ **Oh that! I can help.**_

Just like that, he spent the next couple of hours patiently going through the worksheet step by step. He was in his element now. There was no way to get distracted or stammer through tutoring her like this. He might even come off as someone competent, self-assured, _not_ Awkward Adrien.

Smiling like a loon, he went on the offensive. His hands trembled (the manifestation of his stupid stutter) as he typed in his next words. Ones that he would have never been able to get through in one piece in person.

 _ **Hey so... after this, you  
want to go to a movie?**_

He waited on bated breath, biting his lower lip. He didn't have to wait long.

 _Sure! Sounds fun._

 _You wanna see  
that UMS movie?_

A bubble of ecstasy burst in his chest at the simple agreement, a goofy smile spreading across his lips. "She said _YES!"_ Adrien cried, unable to contain his joy as he jumped around his room as he pumped a fist in the air. "She said, yes! Yes! The most amazing girl in the world said YES!" He picked up Plagg from the couch who yowled like a cranky cat, swinging him in the air. "Did you hear that Plagg? SHE SAID YES!"

"Kid, all of Paris has heard it by now! Let me go!" the little cat god snapped. He got his wish when Adrien sent him a spinning toss back onto the couch.

"Alright, I'm on a roll now," Adrien said, fisting a hand as a fire of determination flared in his green eyes. "I can't lose this chance, Plagg. I need to tell her how I feel!" With the surge of bravery, he typed in his next message.

 _ **Yes! Absolutely!**_

 _ **But before that, there's something  
I always wanted to tell you.**_

 _ **I like you.**_

His heart hammered in his throat as he waited for a response. Not unexpectedly, it was taking a long time for Marinette to respond. If he was the type, he'd be biting his nails, but instead he wore a track into his floor as he paced. That was when the reply dinged up.

 _Um, I like you too?_

Adrien deflated. He should have expected this. 'Like' was too vague a term. He was going to have to be a little more explicit.

 _ **No, I mean I LIKE like you.  
I have since the beginning of school.**_

 _ **I've liked you since the first  
time I laid eyes on you.**_

 _ **And I know you like me too  
even though you don't know it now.**_

This wasn't exactly the most ideal situation to reveal himself, but at this rate, if he didn't do it now it was probably never going to happen. Sucking in a breath, he steeled himself and began to type out his next words: _Marinette, I'm Chat No-_

The model didn't finish typing when his phone suddenly rang into his hands. It nearly gave him a heart attack and he dropped it out of startlement. It vibrated angrily against the floor once, before he managed to pick it up and see the caller: Nino

"Nino?" he asked as his heart rate settled. "What's up?"

" _Hey so..."_ the DJ said awkwardly over the phone. " _Um..."_ Adrien frowned as he waited for his friend to elaborate. It sounded like something was wrong. He was going to have to put a pin in his text to Marinette for now.

Then Nino said, " _I'm really sorry Adrien. But I don't swing that way."_

...What.

" _I'm really flattered though!"_ his best friend went on, his voice becoming pitched with nerves. " _I mean, if I was gay, I'd be all over that! B-but I'm not so..."_

Adrien went cold, a wave of horror overcoming him. How had- _When_ had-

Oh _no. OH NO!_

" _H-hey, you okay?"_ Nino asked hesitantly. " _You're, like, my best friend, dude. I don't want this to get in the way of that."_

"I..." the model squeaked, his face white. "I didn't- That was just- I didn't mean to tell you that! It was a mistake! I was trying to pretend someone _was_ you and I must've accidentally texted you instead! I don't- I'm so sorry, Nino!"

Silence pervaded over the phone.

" _...You thought you were texting Marinette, didn't you?"_ the DJ said flatly.

"Yes," Adrien replied, his voice tiny as the sheer _weight_ of the latest humiliation he'd inflicted onto himself threatened to shrink him down to Plagg's size.

" _I should have known,"_ Nino groaned and Adrien could imagine him rubbing a hand over his face in exasperation. " _Way to give me a heart attack, dude. Now, I gotta get back to my homework. I'll see you at school."_ With that, Nino understandably hung up.

Slowly, Adrien pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the little initials up at the top of the screen, partially hidden by the large crack. NL not MD. No, his MD chat was still hanging out in another window, her initial text still unanswered after _over 3 hours._

The phone dropped from his hand, even as Plagg began to howl with laughter when he pieced together the one-sided conversation.

It fell to the floor, angry, vengeful cracks webbed across its black screen.


	4. Tiger Lilies

**Tiger Lilies**

Paris was still quiet in the early morning as the Gorilla chauffeured his young charge to College Francois-Dupont. Adrien drummed his fingers along his knee, as always trying to think up some new plans to talk to Marinette, in between thoughts of what quizzes were coming up and what projects were due. It was his favorite pastime. Granted one that guaranteed a constant stream of embarrassment and public humiliation, but still his favorite.

That was when something caught his eye along the street.

"Hey, stop here!" Adrien called to his bodyguard.

The Gorilla did as he was bid, pulling the car to a stop and letting the young heir out. He followed Adrien to an iron and glass florist stall set up along the square.

Adrien's eyes were wide as he looked over the array. Flowers! He should have thought of this earlier! There was this whole language of flowers he could put to use, wasn't there? ...Not that he _knew_ any, but flowers were flowers. Who didn't like them? _Roses_ might come on a little strong coming from Adrien, considering Marinette was technically not single. He needed something else to give him a small boost.

That was when his eyes lit on the orange tiger lilies. Adrien pointed to those and asked, "Hey, do you know what those represent?" he asked the aged florist.

The old man looked to the lillies and replied, "The orange lilies represent confidence. As well as pride and wealth." He spoke the last word while giving a rather pointed look over at his bodyguard and the expensive town car.

Confidence! Adrien's lips split into a wide grin. That was exactly what he needed! With the added bonus of being tiger lillies. Who could resist the pun in that? "Could I have some of those, please?" he asked excitedly, "Along with some of the white puffy ones to make it look nice. It's meant for a girl," he added shyly.

"Ahh~" the aged florist said with a knowing smile as he put the bouquet together. "Don't worry, young man. She will love it."

Plagg suddenly wriggled in his shirt pocket, making some rather panicked movements. Unfortunately, there wasn't really a way to talk to him now, with the florist in front of him and the Gorilla hovering over his shoulder. Whatever it was, it was going to have to wait until they got to school.

With bouquet in hand, Adrien returned to the car to finish his ride to school. Grinning down at the bouquet, he pressed his nose to them and inhaled their scent. They smelled absolutely amazing. Marinette was sure to love them.

After he got to school though, however, things started to get a little... odd.

His classmates stopped to stare at him, giving him some strange looks. Probably because he was carrying a full-blown bouquet to class? It wasn't exactly a common accessory for students.

The hallway was spinning weirdly too. That, he just attributed that to his nerves. Things always got a little wonky when he was trying to work up the courage to talk to Marinette. The dizziness was a _little_ disconcerting though. He just hoped that he wasn't dissolving into a full blown panic attack.

No, he _had_ to get through this. All he needed to do was say "Good morning. These are for you," and present the bouquet to Marinette. It was simple. _Stupid_ simple. He wouldn't even try her name this time.

When he entered class, Nino and Alya looked up to him. Their jaws dropped, eyes widening as they looked him over. It was as if they sensed his resolve. He was gonna do it today. He was gonna talk to Marinette. He smirked to them as best he could through his nerves. Then he went up to Marinette who had her back to the front of the class while she spoke to Ivan.

Coughing to get her attention, he held the tiger lily bouquet out to her. "Goo' mornin'," he said, the words a little difficult to get out. Not that it wasn't a normal occurrence. "Thes're mer mew."

Marinette turned around towards him. She started violently as if electrocuted. She didn't even look at the bouquet. Instead, her bluebell eyes were fixed to his face, her jaw dropped in horror. "Oh my god, _Adrien!"_ she gasped, putting her hands over her mouth.

...That wasn't the reaction he was expecting. Well, it sort of was, but he was expecting less horror and more delight.

He let out the breath he'd been holding, resigned that he'd messed up again somehow.

...Only to suddenly realize that his breath wasn't coming back. He put a hand to his mouth, only to see that his fingers were swollen and puffy. His mouth and nose felt hot, burning up as his lungs screamed for breath. That was when the spinning became even worse, spots of black opening up in his vision like black holes in the universe. The lightheadedness was becoming overwhelming. His legs gave out from under him.

He heard Marinette and his friends distantly screaming his name, as the black fog swallowed up his consciousness.

Adrien woke up later in the hospital, his head pounding and his vision still spinning. However, he _was_ able to breathe, which was a pretty nice skill to have.

The nurse turned as she sensed his movement, giving him a faint smile. "Ah, good you're awake," she said, brushing his hair out of his face. "Do you need some water?"

The blond nodded. He took a few experimental sips from the glass she gave him. It burned at the back of his throat. "Wh-what happened?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"It seems like you had an allergic reaction to the pollen from the lilies you brought into your class today. Luckily, they had epinephrine at your school and were able to dose you before the ambulance brought you here," the nurse informed him kindly. "I spoke to your father's power of attorney and it seems that no one had any idea you had such an allergy. She's coming to pick you up now and I advised that your doctor prescribe you an epinephrine injector.

"An epipen?" Adrien said in horror. Oh no, he was going to be one of _those_ kids. He thought he'd already dodged that bullet! Did he have to carry it around as _Chat Noir?!_

The nurse looked to his medical file. They probably got it from school. "I see that you have a mild allergy to feathers as well. I'm concerned that this attack may have exacerbated your condition. I'd keep your epipen handy then as well in case it turns out your allergy to feathers has worsened."

The model's jaw dropped, his face turning even whiter. What? That- No. NO!

"I'm sorry, this must come as a shock," the nurse said, giving him a sympathetic look at the sheer horror in his expression. "But don't worry. With careful monitoring, there's no reason you can't live a perfectly normal, functional life." That was when the door knocked and Nathalie entered the room, escorted by his bodyguard.

Neither of them said anything as they collected him. However, the Gorilla looked particularly contrite as they escorted him home to rest and scheduled the in-home doctor's appointment. Adrien cringed in pity for them when his father came home and learned what happened to his precious son. His voice carried clear across the entire empty mansion as he bellowed at them.

That evening, Chloe sent him a picture of his red, swollen face in full anaphylactic shock. She captioned it _**DUMBASS!**_ along with several crude emojis. However, after conferring with Nino, it seemed like she only sent it to him. ...Which was nice of her. Sort of.

When he was finally cleared to go back to school, he came to the unpleasant realization that the news got out anyway and he had the new oh-so lovely nickname: Pufferface Agreste.

"That's just _cruel,"_ Nino growled, outraged on his behalf. "How can they make fun of you for almost dying!"

"I'm a celebrity, Nino," Adrien reminded him, resigned. "Everything's fair game."

That was when Marinette entered class. Adrien could barely look at her, his entire body heating up in what had to be a full-body blush.

His crush/secret-girlfriend gave him a small wave. "H-hey, Pretty-" Marinette started weakly, before she changed her mind. "I-I mean, Adrien." Oh great! He lost his Pretty Boy status in her mind with his big fat allergy ridden face. "It looks like you're feeling better. I'm glad."

"Thanks," he muttered miserably, his voice muffled as he spoke into his hand.

Marinette regarded him for a long moment. Then she suddenly wrapped him up into a hug, making him freeze up like a cat splashed with water. "Don't worry. You're still gorgeous and model-worthy no matter what anyone says."

"O-o-okay," Adrien stammered, unable to help the big goofy grin that spread over his face. She called him _gorgeous!_ "Th-thank you. You are too! I mean- E-even if something happened like you lost your legs in a car wreck and couldn't technically do a catwalk. Or you got 90% of your body burned in a fire and you could only do hand modeling! You'd be awesome at it! N-n-not that you should model! You can do whatever you want! Don't let them confine you to a box!"

Marinette blinked. Then she snorted and laughed, patting him on the head. "Glad you're back to normal, Pretty Boy," she teased, before she headed up to chat with Rose and Juleka while waiting for Alya to get to class.

Nino looked at him. "So... Was that a _good_ or a _bad_ Mari-moment in your book?"

"I'm gorgeous!" Adrien squealed happily.

Shaking his head, the DJ patted him on the back. "You're so easy to please sometimes."

The blond spent the rest of the day on cloud nine, not realizing until later what he'd said in his latest babble session.

~o~

 **AN:** Cats are deathly allergic to lilies. Every part of the lily, even the pollen. Also, I'm not dissing epipens or people that use them. I actually have to know how to use them, because I have friends who would have died if they didn't have them handy. ...It's just a _huge_ pain in the ass to have to carry them around everywhere in case you might die otherwise. -_-


	5. J'Accuse!

**J'Accuse!**

It happened when Alya and Marinette walked into class.

"Good morning, boys," the reporter called, while Marinette said, "Good morning, Nino, Adrien."

Consumed with fixing a last minute mistake he found on his math worksheet, the model replied distractedly, "Good morning, Marinette."

An audible gasp went throughout the classroom, as Adrien froze when he realized what he just said. He whirled to Nino for confirmation. His best friend's jaw had gone slack, but he shook it off and patted him on the back heartily in congratulations.

The model then looked to Alya stopped part of the way back to their seat. Her face lit up in an excited grin and she gave him two thumbs up in encouragement.

Then, his gaze shifted up to Marinette, who had already taken her seat behind him. She smiled fondly at him, seeming utterly clueless to what transpired. As if it was everyday that he could get through a morning greeting with her.

...This was literally too good to be true.

"You're not the real Marinette!" Adrien cried as he bolted up to his feet, slamming a hand down in front of her desk in a way that made everyone jump.

The Mari-copy blinked in confusion, with a wilting 'damsel in distress' light in her eyes that couldn't possibly come from his spitfire. "Wh-what do you mean? Of course I'm the real Marinette. Why would you think otherwise?"

"Okay, then answer me this." The blond pointed an accusing finger right between her eyes. "What's my favorite pastry from your bakery!"

The Mari-copy began to sweat. "The- um... The macarons?"

" _Wrong!_ I like all of them!" Adrien crowed triumphantly. "You're not her!"

That was when the akuma (because what else could it be) twisted Marinette's pretty face into an ugly expression of distaste. Right before she ran from her seat and fled the classroom. Adrien went right after her, transforming into Chat Noir when he could, so that he could find his real girlfriend.

Later on that evening, when the whole mess was sorted out, Nino and Adrien left the Dupain-Cheng patisserie loaded up with sweets. A reward for figuring out right away that the fake Marinette wasn't who she said she was. Naturally, Adrien babbled his way through his thanks and accepting it.

All was right with the world.

"Dude, I have no idea why you think this was a good thing," Nino said as they waited on the steps of the school for Adrien's driver to show.

"Wha'd'ya mean?" his friend asked, his mouth full as he tried to get through as many sweets as he could. Before the Gorilla showed up and the rest of the pastries were either given to Nino or tossed into the trash. "I revealed her, saved the day, and got pastries. What's not to like?"

"Well, if you ever do manage to talk in complete sentences around Marinette, aren't you always going to doubt that she's actually the real deal?" the DJ reasoned.

Adrien went still, as the horrifying implication began to sink in.

" _Why the hell would you tell me something like that?!"_


	6. Cool Cooler Coolest

_**Cool. Cooler. Coolest. Sakamoto DesuGa?**_

Adrien watched in awe as the main character of the anime sailed through school life in the most stylish way possible. He was a 'cool type' character with sharp eyes, slick uniform, and of course _glasses._ No matter what he did, no matter how his classmates tried to sabotage him, he managed to come out on top and make himself the epitome of _Cool._

"Why can't I be cool like that, Nino?" he sighed, glancing over to his friend over vidchat.

"I dunno, cuz you're not a cartoon?" the DJ replied distractedly. Apparently, the anime wasn't of much interest to him, since he was thumbing through a comic instead. "Also, why do you want to be _that_ guy?"

"Because he's awesome!"

"No, he's _annoying,"_ Nino replied archly, casting him an exasperated look. "Who wants to hang around someone who's so unnaturally good at everything it's literally terrifying?"

"I wonder what his secret is?" Adrien muttered absently.

"Hey, are you listening to me?"

"Maybe if I can figure out what he's doing, then I can use that to stop acting like a moron in front of Marinette." The model leaned back in his chair, pensively tapping a finger to his chin.

"...Don't do it, dude."

"I wonder if it's..."

"I'm serious. Don't." Nino said, leaning towards the camera as he tried desperately to get the blond's attention. "Whatever you're thinking, it's a _bad idea."_

"I got it!" Adrien cried in excitement. He pounded a fist into his palm. "Okay, I gotta go! I have to put my plan into motion!"

"NO! DON-!" Nino yelled, just as the call cut off.

The next morning, the revered whispers that used to follow Adrien throughout his first weeks of school started up again. Students stopped to stare at him, some politely calling to him to get his attention. The model only smiled warmly at them as he passed, even giving one of his greeters a wink.

When he entered class, Nino looked warily up at his friend, expecting the worst. Only to blink at the only marked difference in the model. A pair of half-rim spectacles sitting atop the bridge of his nose. (And of course, he made them look good.)

"Uhh, what's with the specs?" he asked.

Adrien blinked, turning in the direction of his friend's voice. Then he grinned. "It's my master plan!" he replied cheerfully, pushing the spectacles up his nose. "I borrowed them off my dad's dresser. He doesn't wear this pair much anymore."

Nino raised an eyebrow. "...That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it." Adrien frowned. "Why, what did you think I was gonna do?" The DJ opened his mouth, then wisely decided to shut it. He didn't want to give the blond any ideas. All things considered, this plan was pretty tame. In any case, Adrien was already distracted as he rubbed his hand against his temple. "I'll tell you what though, these things are giving me a huge headache."

"Head- You couldn't get _nonprescription?"_ Nino asked incredulously. "How exactly do you plan on seeing?!"

"No, see, that's the idea," Adrien replied emphatically. "If I can't _see_ her, then I shouldn't have as much trouble talking with her! Plus they make me look cool, right?"

"...Adrien, that's a terrible plan," Nino said, even as the model tripped over the step to get to his seat.

"It'll be fine! The worst that can happen is I get publicly humiliated again!" Adrien replied brightly, the very picture of optimism.

The DJ stared. "...I'm seriously starting to worry for your sanity, dude."

The blond wasn't listening. "Just let me know when Marinette gets here. I have my greeting memorized and practiced and everything."

As was more often than not the case with Marinette, she didn't turn up at the start of the bell. Adrien was determined, however, to keep up his plan. When it came to looking up at the board, it was easy enough to just look over the half rim spectacles. The same came to talking with their classmates. Somehow, he managed to make drawing his glasses down his nose and peering upwards into the person's eyes look incredibly sexy. (Nino seriously hated him sometimes.)

Unfortunately, looking down at his books and his tablet - which was most of the day - only caused a strange _stabbing_ sensation at the back of his eyes that only grew worse as the hours passed. Regardless, he held on because he was sure that _any minute now_ , Marinette was going to walk through that door and behold the _Cool_ that was Adrien Agreste in half-rim spectacles.

By the end of the day, all Adrien had to show for his master plan was a cluster headache so severe that he could barely stand up without the room spinning.

"She didn't come at all, did she?" the model asked, about ready to cry.

"Nope," Nino replied, popping the 'p' noise.

"Didn't I tell you?" Alya asked, looking down at the two boys. "She's sick today. She has a cold."

Adrien's jaw dropped. "Why didn't you say so earlier?!"

The reporter blinked. "What? Why?"

"He's been wearing prescription glasses all day when he doesn't need them," Nino explained, as Adrien thumped his head against his desk.

"Seriously?!" Alya cried. "What- that- _Why?!"_

"I'm going home now," the model said weakly, taking off the pair of spectacles to put into his shirt pocket. Unfortunately, even with them off, the room spun so much that he faceplanted into the doorframe. "I'm okay~" he called, managing to make it out the door on his second try.

"...That boy," Alya muttered, as both she and Nino sighed in exasperation. She took out her phone and checked her text to Marinette. She'd surreptitiously sent a pic of Adrien in glasses to her friend with the caption: _Sexy, no?_ She did have to help their sunshine child out sometimes.

 _Cuuuuute!_ Marinette texted in reply. _He looks so good in tehm!_ She was a little wonky from her meds, it seemed.

Alya sighed again. Mari was going to be so disappointed when their resident eye-candy turned up without glasses the next day.

That evening, Chat Noir made his appearance at Marinette's balcony with some chicken soup. He'd barely made it, since the world was still operating at a disorienting tilt. However, his Clumsy Girl was sick, which meant that her knight had to come to the rescue.

" _Knock knock~"_ he called as he rapped on the hatch door.

"Who's there?" came Marinette's muffled voice. Excellent. Awake and lucid.

"Iguana!"

A pause. "...Iguana who?"

" _Iguana hold your hand~"_ Chat sing-songed. He could almost hear the groan from below. A moment later the hatch opened.

"I shouldn't let you in just for that," Marinette grumbled, as she let him in. Her face was flushed from the cold she'd been suffering from all day, causing his heart give a warm pitter-patter.

"Oh, you know you love it, Prrincess. Besides I bring tribute," Chat grinned. He hopped in a sit on top of her bed, making it bounce and squeak. He held out the covered soup bowl. "Tada~ Chicken soup."

Marinette regarded the tupperware hungrily. She loved Chat's cooking. Of course, she had no idea that Chat had a personal chef to take care of his 'home cooked' meals. However, she shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Actually, can you do me a favor first?" She pulled out a pair of spectacles with thick black frames. Not unlike his father's current pair. "I want to see how you look in these."

Chat twitched as he looked at the pair of glasses. "I-I don't really _have_ to, do I?" he asked, giving his girlfriend a weak smile. His headache still throbbed and the thought of putting on a different pair of glasses was almost more than he could take.

"Humor me, please?" Marinette smiled softly, canting her head.

The black cat was doomed. "As you wish, milady," he sighed, dipping down his head so that she put the glasses on him. When he looked up, he squinted and cringed against the blur that was his girlfriend that somehow managed to pierce his brain like a dagger.

Marinette blinked at him, then let out a snort and a laugh. "I knew it! It looks so goofy on you."

"Eheheh," Chat laughed feebly, even as he felt Adrien's confidence shatter. "So glad you're amused, Prrincess. Anyway, let's get into that chicken soup, shall we?"

Oh well, there went his idea to get nonprescription lenses.


	7. Bonne Anniversaire!

**Bonne Anniversaire~!**

One sunny morning, Adrien stood in front of the College Francoise-Dupont, staring at the front doors as if they were the Gates of Hell. His heart thundered in his chest, his nerves crawling as though he had fire ants in his blood. His bag felt like a ton weight, its precious cargo (not Plagg) threatening to set him off balance.

...Maybe he should be doing this as Chat Noir.

That's what boyfriends did, right? Give their girlfriends presents on their birthday? Chat Noir was the one dating Marinette, not him. Although he _was_ technically...

Adrien quickly shook his head. No, no, no. It was Adrien Agreste that bought this. It was Adrien Agreste that would give this to her. All he had to do was step one foot in front of the other, go to class, take out the box, give it to her, and say ' _Happy Birthday.'_ It wasn't complicated at all. There should be no way he could somehow mess it up. Yet even as he thought this, he _knew_ something was going to go wrong. His body seemed to have developed a sixth sense for it, as it began to break out into a cold sweat and he felt faint.

A hand clapped on his shoulder, startling a small shriek out of him.

"Whoa, sorry, dude!" Nino said, holding up his hands apologetically. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"N-no, it's okay," Adrien replied as he tried to calm his already frazzled nerves. "I shouldn't have been so deep in thought."

The DJ looked his friend over, before it came to him. "Ohhh~ It's Marinette's birthday today, isn't it?" His lips twisted into a teasing smirk. "You get something for her?"

His bag seemed to gain ten more pounds. "Yeah," he said weakly.

Ever his best friend, Nino patted him on the back. "Hey, don't sweat it. Even if you stutter, a present's still a present. Just don't do something dumb like lose it, or have Nathalie deliver it for you, or make Marinette think that it came from somebody else, or-"

" _You can stop now, please,"_ Adrien said quickly, his panic rising.

Grinning, Nino pushed his friend forward. "C'mon soldier, hup-to." With his forceful encouragement, the pair of them made it to class in relatively one piece. Thanks to his procrastination, the class was nearly full by the time they entered. As usual, Marinette was missing, always diving in at the last possible second (assuming she actually made the bell).

For once, Adrien would love it if he didn't have to wait for her. Sitting down in his seat, he put his bag aside and waited with hands interlaced on the desk in front of him. However, his nerves began to manifest physically, as his leg shook and his knuckles turned white. His eyes kept darting over to his bookbag, paranoid that it would somehow vanish when he wasn't looking.

Nino glanced at him. "You don't have a bomb in your bag or something, do you?"

"Yeah, well, no. It's just..." Adrien wasn't quite sure how to explain. Plagg was occupying the same place as his present. What if he did something like try to _eat_ it? He did have a history of making jewelry disappear. (Were kwami jealous of other jewelry?)

Arching an eyebrow, the DJ sighed and held out an open palm. "Give it here."

Relieved, Adrien dove into his bag and dropped the velvet ring box into Nino's hand.

Nino stared at it.

"...This is your present?" he asked slowly.

"Well, yeah, see? It has a little bow," the model replied, flicking the bright red ribbon on top.

As Nino continued to give him an unwarranted expression of incredulity, Alya entered class then, hefting a rather large wrapped box. Adrien was relieved to see it. It was so much less pressure if he wasn't the only one giving Marinette a present. Only she stopped in front of them to stare at the box. "...Is that what I think it is?" she asked dubiously, looking between the two boys.

"It's my present to Marinette," Adrien answered, taking the ring back before anyone got the wrong idea.

"...Dare I ask what kind of ring it is?" the reporter asked slowly, as she and Nino exchanged a look.

"A normal one?" the model replied uncertainly, suddenly feeling the press of all his classmates' eyes upon him. (That bad feeling was coming back.) Just to make sure the ring was still actually _in_ there, he flipped the box open. He showed it off to his two friends, well aware that everyone was trying to peer over his shoulder. "See? Diamonds and rubies."

All the air seemed to suck out of the room as the whole class gasped at once.

Alya was nearly apoplectic. Her present slipped from her fingers to the ground, all but forgotten. "You-!" she cried in a strangled voice. "You can't just give a girl a _diamond ring!"_

"What? Why not? My dad gave my mom tons," Adrien replied indignantly. He couldn't help it though. He'd somehow managed to find out Marinette's ring size as Chat Noir while she was napping. Then he'd spent a whole two months trolling all the famous bijouterie of Paris trying to find the perfect one. He finally did when he found a gold ring inlaid with tiny diamonds and rubies all along its circumference. "See, the diamonds are because she's beautiful and tough and the rubies represent passion and leadership. The gold's for her heart of gold," the blond explained matter-of-factly.

It also hinted at Ladybug without it being completely obvious.

His boy Nino glanced at the ring itself, judging it critically. "W-well, it's not _that_ bad. I guess." With a nervous laugh, he patted Adrien on the shoulder. "Way to make us all look bad though, dude. You're setting the bar way too high." Alya gaped at the DJ as if he'd lost mind.

Beside them, Chloe's eyes narrowed.

Suddenly, the door burst open a minute to class. "I'm here!" Marinette cried. She was completely out of breath, as if she'd only gotten up five minutes ago. Adrien managed to palm the box just in time, hiding it underneath his desk. "Oh man, I would've hated to get detention on my birthday!" the designer said, before she gave them all a bright smile. "Morning everyone!"

"H-Happy Birthday, girl!" Alya replied, giving the model just one last glance before she wrapped her best friend up into a hug. She picked the box up off the ground (hopefully it wasn't fragile) and handed it over. "Here, I got you something."

"Oh my gosh, thank you so much!" Marinette squealed, returning the hug in full. That was when the bell rang. "Oh darn it. I'll open it up at break, okay?"

Adrien watched her round the corner of his desk, his heart thundering in his throat. He flicked the box open underneath his desk, feeling his whole body turn colder and colder.

 _Now! Do it now before you completely lose your nerve!_

"Marinette!" he called to her back, whirling up to his feet to face his one true love.

That was when he tripped. (On what he later found out was Chloe's handbag.)

With a yelp, he stumbled forward. The ring box went flying up in the air. When he could have simply dissolved in panic, he had Chat Noir's reflexes to thank as he snatched it out of the air. Then he crashed, one knee hitting the ground right on his funny bone. His face went scarlet with pain, biting his lip so hard it nearly bled to keep from screaming an obscenity.

Which is how Marinette found him when she turned around, one knee to the ground, diamond ring outstretched, silent, redfaced and worrying his lower lip.

The whole class was silent. Even Chloe and Sabrina who were shaking violently as they managed to hold in their fit of laughter.

Marinette slowly placed Alya's present on top of her desk. Then she put a hand underneath his and the other over, gently closing the box. Suddenly, she bowed her head in apology, crying out, "I'm so sorry!" Redfaced and flustered, she fled the classroom. Not to return for the rest of the day.

Adrien's eye twitched.

"Um... dude...?" Nino said uncertainly, the majority of the class taking a step back from the blond in growing alarm. As if they expected him to snap and go on a murder spree.

Then Adrien let go of the curse he'd been holding onto. " _ **FFFFFFFFF-!"**_

" _Mr. Agreste!"_ Mme. Bustier cried in horror, entering the class right at that precise moment. "Detention!"


End file.
